It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize