That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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