i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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