Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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