i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
