remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
