Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
