Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
