It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
