Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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