i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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