Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
