Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
