ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
