Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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