i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
