hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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