I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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