I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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