So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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