you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
