mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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