Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
