I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
