The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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