The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
