every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
