I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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