I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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