if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
please come you make the beer taste better
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
