I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
