like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
