if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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