I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
