i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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