she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
