Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
