I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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