one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
