I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
