I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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