We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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