No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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