dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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