perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
