We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize