He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
