I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
