Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
