Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drake has all the answers
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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