I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
