That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
