Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
