end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
