That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
