Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
