so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
