We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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