my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
