I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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