tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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