Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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