I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize