I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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