I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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