Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
